Spontaneity - The Night the Lights Went Out

It was all planned.  For months we talked about the food.  We planned fun games.  We arranged for ocean view rooms.  We talked about

car-pooling, marketing and all the necessary components of our yearly girl’s weekend away. 

We covered everything you could possibly think of EXCEPT the loss of electricity for an entire evening and the first several hours of the morning (that is right, NO coffee). 

No one brought a candle; no one had a flashlight.  With our cell phones getting low, the sun long gone and our hotel off the coast miles from town, we spent the best night we can all remember.

There were 10 of us.  We huddled in the living room.  On the couch, on the floor and leaning up against each other, we told jokes, stories, and shared bits and pieces of our lives.

Although there was plenty of moaning from all the things we couldn’t do, there were times we were laughing so hard all we really needed was a box of tissues.

No music, no TV, and for the most part no electronics.  Instead of relying on devices for our entertainment, we relied on each other.  We had to dig in pretty deep to find the humor as we NEVER thought the hour or so we were told we would be in the dark would actually turn into over 14 hours.

And yet, it will be that very 14 hours that will make this weekend the most memorable, fun and special one so far.

With all the planning and meetings we had, it turned out that the things we did not plan for mixed in with a healthy dose of imagination turned what could have been a horrible weekend into one of the best!

What a concept!  Spontaneity

I Hear You

A friend and I had an interesting conversation about the subject of listening and hearing.

We both agreed that many people listen, yet don’t really hear what is being said.  We talked about the difference and why we felt this way.

Some of the reasons we came up with was a person is already thinking of their ‘defense’, or ‘views’, or what is being said doesn’t really interest or resonate with them.  The problem with this is they rarely hear what is being said.

The expression, “I hear you” has become overused by people who are often blowing someone off.  They actually want that person to stop talking.

When you are trying to get your point across, do you share your feelings or do you lecture?  When you listen to someone, are you really taking in what they are telling you?

I believe most of us can do a better job of both putting information out and taking it in.  I think this takes time and practice.  Next time someone is telling you something, try to stay open.  Try not to interrupt.  And try to see their point of view.  You can always reject or ignore what they have to say afterwards.  But first, hear what that is.

What are your thoughts?

Procrastination

Whether it is putting off an unpleasant task, losing those extra pounds from the holidays or making a decision to quit or join something, if you’re human you have procrastinated at some point in your life.  For many though, it is a way of life.

Some people procrastinate because they are lazy, but more commonly it is part of a bigger issue.  Whether you are a perfectionist, not focused, depressed or overwhelmed, procrastination most of the time is not your friend.

My personal experience is that if I don’t take care of chores and unpleasant situations when they arise, I become overwhelmed and what could have been a quick, timeless problem then becomes one that immobilizes me.

A very long time ago Billy Jean King was in a very important tennis match.  She was way down in games, a set, and was one point away from being eliminated.

After a long day and a tension-filled tournament, Billy Jean went on to win the match.  During the interview she was asked how she managed to pull off what seemed to be an overwhelming task.

She simply said, “One point at a time.” 

Instead of looking at the 20 pounds, the entire garage, or the 100 thank-you notes you need to write, concentrate on one pound at a time, a section of the garage at a time and a manageable number of notes each day.

Will this work for everyone?  Will this always be fun or easy?  Probably not, however, what it might do is get you to start and work through what at one time you wouldn’t have even bothered with.

Family

They say, “You can pick your friends, but not your family.”  Although this seems to make sense, in reality I know many people who have life-long friends who they consider family.  Whether a person becomes an ‘honorary’ aunt’, or  ‘a mother figure’, or one considers their best friend’s Grandma theirs too, the people who are there for you, support you, and who guide you, in my opinion are family.

Over the decades we went from a family consisting of parents and children, to using terms like ‘blended family’ or ‘extended family’ coming from Yours, Mine and Ours.

Getting the privilege of living through a couple of generations now, it is easy for me to see that family is much broader than I ever thought.  Whether it is your community, your place of worship, or the people in programs that help you to conquer your challenges, family is a mind-set.

Perhaps we can’t pick the family we are born into.  We obviously can’t decide whom we share genetics and blood with.  But, what we can do is surround ourselves with people who have our back.  We can choose whom we celebrate holidays with.  And, we can choose whom we give our love and heart to.

When you think about it, the person we marry or create a life with wasn’t family before that time. 

Something to think about?

The Years

It seemed like yesterday that I was at my parent’s house poolside watching my 3 year-old son and nephew splashing and laughing.  My next clear memory is visiting my mom and dad when they moved from the house to a condo.

It was 17 years later and while I was visiting them, I took note of a young mother who was playing with her toddler in the pool.  Without even thinking I said, “Enjoy this time; they are little for such a short period.”

To think that was 21 years ago absolutely amazes me.  We are all saying how fast the years go by.  It seems like we start a new year, blink our eyes and we are looking at end of the year holidays.

In the scheme of things, we are here for a very short period of time.  True, there will be many who make KNBC’s Smucker’s Jam and Jelly jars as they hit 100, however, more often than not, our time on this earth is somewhere between 70 and 80 years.

I am not writing this to be depressing or even to focus on our ‘exit date’, but more precisely to remind people to make the most of the time we are here.  Find your passion.  Laugh when you can.  Cry when you are moved to tears.  Tell those you love how important they are to you.

And, if you truly open-heart, use your time here to learn and grow, you will hopefully be able to look back over your life and feel good about the person you became.

Life’s Little Challenges

I play Words With Friends with someone whom I used to work with.  Many years ago she moved to the East Coast.  I got a message from her this morning that she locked herself out of the house.

While I was suggesting she call a locksmith and several other concrete ideas, she had a different take on it.  The weather is nice.  She is outside.  There’s no reason to panic, and she planned on waiting for her neighbor who comes and goes to give her the extra key she made for him.

Although it isn’t the worst of circumstances, someone else might have become unglued thinking of all the negative things this could cause.  Instead, my friend accepted that it would be awhile and is using the time the best she can.

I worked for someone who was always saying, “Affect what you can and don’t obsess about the things you can’t change.”  While this isn’t always easy, it is good advice.  It doesn’t mean that you sit back and do nothing; it just means that the negative, angry energy is a waste.  It doesn’t change anything, and in most cases will impact you and not the situation.

When you accept that things don’t always go smoothly, do the best you can to go with the flow.  This way you don’t deplete yourself when you are faced with larger, more pressing challenges.

Make sense?

It Takes A Village

I have a friend who is VERY closed and private when it comes to her personal life.  She gets it from growing up during a time, as I have, where our parents would always say “What happens in this family stays in this family.”  Yes, Vegas was not the first to coin the phrase.  It was followed with, “We don’t air our dirty laundry.”

There are some instances where sharing our troubles with others is actually beneficial.  My friend, who as I said normally would not open up, did just that.  In doing so she got advice and a perspective that she hadn’t thought of herself.

The end result was she took action that helped her immensely.  Without her opening up, she would not have considered another option.

Many of us tend to think we are being a burden.  Many of us tend to think we should be able to handle our own problems.  Many of us tend to think we will be judged.

We all need help from time-to-time.  We all need support from time-to-time.  When you have a problem or a situation that you can’t seem to handle on your own and someone you trust offers help. 

My advice?  GRAB IT!  And, be grateful that someone took the time to be there for you.

Energy

Interesting thing about energy.  It can give you a boost, or it can bring you down.  When you are excited about your day, your job, your life there is a feeling that anything is possible.  And when your day isn’t going well, your job isn’t fun or challenging and your life seems dismal, your energy will be one of feeling depleted.

There are things we can’t change.  Sometimes the job is just work.  Sometimes the day is frustrating and boring, and sometimes our lives seem like there is more bad than good.

So, my thought is what can we do to keep our spirits up, our mood elevated and our overall outlook rosier?

My good friend shared with me that she did something today that she hasn’t done in quite awhile.  She sat in a quiet room and listened to a few hours of classical music.  She wasn’t productive.  She didn’t accomplish anything.  She did however, come away feeling upbeat, and rejuvenated and said to me, “That was good for my soul.”

So, what are you doing that is “good for your soul?”  Think about what things you can incorporate in your day, in your week, in your life that gives your energy a boost.