The Choices We Make

This morning I watched Whitney Houston’s mother give an interview.  It has been one year since her daughter died.  Cissy Houston has written a book and she is now marketing it.

I expected that during the interview questions regarding drug use would be asked.  After all, it was the reason Whitney lost her life.  What I didn’t expect was the lack of blame that Mrs. Houston could have thrown at Bobby Brown, and the entertainment world in general.

She did make a point of saying that her daughter’s husband didn’t help her.  Her opinion was that he wasn’t good for her.  However, she was very clear that her daughter ultimately made her own decisions.

We can tell our kids to wear helmets.  We can encourage our kids to get an education.  We can guide our kids to stay away from substances that are harmful to them.  We can lecture, share and talk until we are literally blue in the face.

But the bottom line is that our children will make their own choices.  We live in a world where temptations are all around.  We live in a world where our choices and decisions will determine the life we live.

I guess all we really can do is be the best example we can.  Teach by our actions as well as our words.  Then love them, keep our fingers crossed and then let our children go out into the world and make their own way.

Running in the Rain

This morning I was talking with a really good friend.  The subject was my mother and getting older in general.  In her youth, my mother went to the gym long before it was fashionable.  She loved to dance and was usually the ‘belle of the ball’.

She has been in a walker in an assisted living community for many years now.  She fought the walker up until she fell one day and realized that she could no longer get along on her own.

She wouldn’t hear of using a wheelchair, and got angry with anyone who suggested it might be safer for her.  That is until yesterday when she realized that her feet and legs were so bad that the walker was no longer doing the trick.

Just as I was talking with my friend about how sad I felt for my mom, I looked outside and watched the rain.

The first thing that came to my mind was, “I want to go run in the rain”, while I can.  I probably won’t as it is cold, wet and I am not 10 any longer.  However, it got me thinking about the day when I won’t be able to skip, run, or even walk on my own.

Pretty much everyone I know feels as if time is speeding by.  I know for me, I blinked and 2012 was over.  Perhaps I should put on my rain boots, slicker and take a walk in the rain while I can.

Not Even a Bee Sting…

A broken IPhone, a work emergency nor a mouthful of canker sores could ruin the day.  Yes, the four of us had our share of complaints and worries.  We had planned this day over a month ago.  A girl’s day out.  We were going to bask in the sun, laze in mineral waters, enjoy a massage and share a glass of wine with lunch.

And, that we did.  The phone got replaced.  The bee sting healed, the canker sores improved and someone else handled the work emergency.

What we didn’t do was to allow any of these things to stop us from having the best day ever.  We talked, we laughed, and we enjoyed ourselves and each other.  I love what Bonnie said when after lunch I asked her “So, what do you want to do now?”  Her answer was simply, “I am doing it.”

Girlfriends!  They bring out the best and the worst in us.  Just yesterday, a friend of over 40 years, yes 40 years said to me during one of our chess mornings, “If it weren’t for my girlfriends, I don’t know what my life would be like.”

Our girlfriends share our dreams, our hopes, our disappointments, our insecurities, our tears and our laughter.

My mother told me when I was very young, “If you want a friend, be a friend.”

I was also told that if you could count your real friends on one hand, you are very lucky.  I am truly blessed, as I would need both hands and a couple of toes to complete the tally.

An Open Heart

The words stick to me like a mantra.  “There are so many dogs who need good homes.”  Last week at this time a very good friend of mine lost her beloved dog of 15 years.  There were sleepless nights, tears that couldn’t stop falling and a broken heart that will be slow to mend.

She and her husband have two other precious dogs, but Roscoe has been a special and loving friend since they were married.

Yesterday they drove 3 hours to visit a 5 year-old little Maltipoo that they fell in love with while searching the Internet.  I am certain that they will be great ‘parents’ to this dog, as I am equally certain that ‘Maggie” has won the ‘doggie jackpot’.

This has me thinking about how we cope in general with loss, disappointment and feeling like we sometimes have a black cloud hanging over our heads.

Some of the choices that come to mind are:  Staying in bed devouring a box of our favorite chocolates (one of my go-to).  There is also, the moaning and crying and just getting it all out (I actually envy those who can do this, it seems very therapeutic).  And, then there is the stiff-upper lip approach.

The bottom line is that we all mourn differently.  We all deal with life’s ups and down differently.  And, we all move on (hopefully), each in our own way.

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who runs or walks for charities, fosters animals, is a big brother or sister to a kid who needs one, and who go to shelters to feed people who otherwise would not have a warm meal.

My personal observation is that those of us who open up our hearts to others feel better, heal quicker and appreciate their own lives in a more positive way.

A Better Day

I was driving through Pasadena on my way to Palm Springs.  I found a local coffee shop to refuel myself.  I wasn’t the only one with this bright idea.  The place was packed.  I ordered my drink and went outside to wait the 10 or so minutes until my iced, specialty drink was done.

On the patio I saw a mother and what appeared to be her 11 year-old son.  She was yelling at him and he had what can only be called a pre-teen attitude and stance.  It was a Saturday, and by all means a beautiful California day.

The mother went inside, I believe to go to the bathroom, still angry.  I said hello to her son.  I found him engaging and sweet.  When I went into the coffee shop, this young man opened the door for me.

After I got my drink, his mother walked past me.  Her son was on my other side.  In an instant without even thinking, I said, “Excuse me, is this young man your son?”  She looked at me with suspicion.  I can’t say I blame her.  She said, “Yes.”  I then said, “He is a delightful young man.  And so polite, he opened the door for me when I walked in.” 

In less than a nano-second this very angry mother walked up to the boy, put her arm around him and said, “Do you know how proud that makes me feel?”  He immediately changed his body language and they left the café.

I took a moment to acknowledge to myself that this very short interaction changed the course of their day.  No matter how the rest of their afternoon went, for that brief moment, they closed the distance and anger that they both felt.

For me, I couldn’t help but realize just how big a small, positive acknowledgment can mean to someone else.

Cycles

I found myself thinking about the cycle of life today.  I am pretty sure I know the reason.  I have one friend whose mother has Alzheimer’s, and is losing the battle, one friend who lost her precious dog, a family member who was diagnosed with breast cancer, and another friend who is ending a very long relationship.

At the same time, I have a close friend who just became a grandmother, another friend who graduated school and has found a wonderful job, and yet another who is looking forward to finally being able to retire.

To say that life has its ups and downs would be an understatement.  It makes me think of the expression, “When life is going good, we tend to think it always will, and when life is going badly, we tend to think it always will.”

And yet, the reality is that if we are fortunate enough to live a long life, we will all be faced with challenges, and moments of sheer joy.

For me, I try to really appreciate the good times.  I try to understand and learn from the bad times.  And, I try to accept what life brings me while trying to affect it in a positive way, as much as I can.

I once heard someone say that our lives are a gift.  Sometimes we are pleased with our gifts, and sometimes we aren’t.  No matter how we feel about where we are in our life; whether we are in a good cycle or a bad one, I do believe that each day brings the possibility of a something better.

With this philosophy, I am able to take a moment when I hear someone has died, to think about a new life being born.  For my friends who are struggling, I think about the ones who have won their battles.

I don’t believe anyone gets a free pass.  I believe we are truly meant to experience it all.