Forgiveness

It had been so many years now since this person caused me major personal and professional grief.  When I think about how much closer we are now, I have to admit without ever really giving this much thought (until right now), somewhere along the line, I have forgiven her.

I suppose for me, time and circumstances helped me to put the past in the past and move on.  I truly believe for most of us it is a better choice than staying angry.  Holding on to past grudges and old hurts and wounds has such a negative effect on us.  While the person who hurt us has moved on, we are still holding tightly to what they did to us.

This isn’t only physically not healthy, but it is emotionally detrimental.  Anger and resentment has such a negative effect on us.  Ever notice how much younger people appear when they are in a good place?  Ever pay attention to those who let life happen and learn to go with the flow?  Well I have.  They seem to be more relaxed, more at peace, and in general happier and healthier.

People who are always uptight, angry and resentful come across as negative and always on edge.  Is that you?  If so, what are you doing to learn how to let go of things you can’t change?  What are you learning from years of being angry, hurt and disappointed?  Are you getting what you want from this?  Is this working for you?

Isn’t it time for you to start forgiving people?  Whether you take them back into your life doesn’t matter.  Whether you pick up the phone or send an email isn’t important.  What is important is that in your mind and body you let go of the negative baggage this has been for you, open your heart, and learn to forgive.

Try it, and let me know if you start to feel just a little bit better.  I know for me, I do.

Your Message Board

If you were to wear one around your neck, what would you want it to say?  Me?  That I lived an ‘authentic life.’

Yes, that means doing as I do.  Not doing as I say.  BIG difference.  While your toddler is in the back seat, are they watching you cut off and flip off drivers?  Because for 16 years, this is what they will observe.  So, don’t be surprised when you try to teach them to be a courteous driver; they are doing what they observed you do.

And, while on the subject, do you tell your school-aged children to be patient with their friends while you race your shopping cart past the slower shoppers to get in line?

How about the parent who is encouraging her child to get along better with his sister while she doesn’t talk to hers?

I understand that it is VERY difficult to live up to all that we encourage our kids to do.  After all, life is much more complicated than the saying, “Can’t we all just get along?”

So, my advice (and there is always some) is work on becoming more aware of your behavior and actions.  Work on mending relationships when possible.  And, always remember that children, young and old are sponges when it comes to their parents.  They truly are a Mini-Me.

So, if you were walking around the neighborhood with a sandwich message board around your neck, what would you want yours to read? Hopefully, NOT, “Here walks a hypocrite.”

Thoughts?

An Easy Button

Unfortunately, there isn’t one when it comes to life and all the challenges we face.  However, I am not sure why we believe things are meant to be easy.

I would not label my life easy, and yet, many people would.  I believe it is simply because they have not walked in my shoes.  None of us really know the challenges others face.  And, if you aren’t walking in someone else’s shoes, it is almost impossible to fully understand just how challenging life is or has been for them.

Dancing With The Stars has an athlete on the show that lost both her legs from an illness many years ago.  She is an upbeat person and such an inspiration.  To watch her dance is truly amazing.

I wonder if anyone would think her battle was and is easy.  I wonder if she ever thought of giving up because it wasn’t easy.

Perhaps instead of using ‘easy’ as a gauge, we should start looking at hardships as a challenge to overcome.  Perhaps if we acknowledge that we are so much stronger than we might think, we can work through the crap in our lives and know that we ultimately have much more control in the direction we take than we previously realized.

What is your opinion?

A Lifetime

Of all the things that I heard, it was, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” that had the biggest effect on me.

The relationship lasted 30 years.  It is true that it didn’t last a lifetime, but where is it written that lasting a lifetime is the measure of success?  Life is supposed to be a journey and yet, we tend to think that when jobs don’t work, friendships end, marriages dissolve and hobbies are started and stopped that we have failed.

Many people don’t like change.  Many people stay at the same job, live in the same neighborhood, and yes, stay married to the same person, whether they are happy or not.  And yes, I understand there are many good reasons for doing this.

But, what happens when mistakes were made, or things no longer work for us and the people we are with?

Instead of looking at starting over or taking a new course as a failure, how about viewing it as a new opportunity?  How about supporting your friends, your family and yes, yourself, by acknowledging that life is a place to grow and learn and experience.

This doesn’t mean I advocate not taking commitments and responsibilities seriously.  It just means that perhaps we should be more understanding and open when people move on and make new choices. 

So, next time a friend tells you they lost a job, or are leaving a relationship, instead of just being sad or expressing the negative aspect, how about you give them a hug and encourage them in whatever their new path will be.

Thoughts?

Karma

The thank-you card simply said, “I have been quite surprised with the outpouring of attention this little surgery has brought.”  (our little group of friends made sure there were flowers and balloons waiting for her when she got home from the hospital.)  My first thought was, “Really?”

I have known my friend since we were teenagers.  She was always the first person to mention taking a friend out for a birthday lunch.  She never forgot to call or send a get-well card when a friend was sick.  If someone in the neighborhood needed a ride to the doctor and she was available, she offered.

Over the years, she has continued to be a rock for friends and family.  Always thinking of others before herself.   She would bring the cupcakes, remembering who liked chocolate and who liked vanilla.  She made sure to have birthday candles in her purse, and arranged for everyone to sign a card she picked up for the group.

And, if you needed a friend to listen patiently and keep your secrets, my friend was and is ALWAYS there.

So, why she is surprised that her friends are standing in line to offer help, bring her lunch, and visit to help make her day go by faster surprises me.

There is no question that we get out of this world what we put into it.  If someone were to ask you, “What kind of karma would you expect if you needed help from your friends and family?”

What would you say?