Second Guessing Ourselves

Does this sound like you?  What seemed like a good idea at the time is starting to feel like a mistake.  And the longer you think about it the bigger the mistake becomes.  It becomes so big, you are certain it is a deal breaker.

I believe that it is possible to over-think something until it actually becomes something else.  The reason I know this to be true is because it is a talent of mine.

Whether it is in an interview.  Whether it is at a school meeting.  Whether it concerns conversations we have had with our kids and friends, there are times that we over-obsess about the one thing we said that we regret.

I liken this to looking at ourselves in a mirror.  We tend to see the blemishes; we tend to see the one hair out of place, or the one hair on our face that shouldn’t be there.

However, those looking at us tend to see the smile, the kindness and hopefully the person we are.

As hard as this is for me personally, I am going to make every effort to be myself, not focus on the negative and not judge others when they also say something that perhaps they shouldn’t have.

Thoughts?

I Have Your Back!

An expression that is used to let someone know you are on their side, you are looking out for their best interest, and/or they can count on you.

I published a blog the other day that had a couple of grammatical errors.  A friend of many years let me know this after reading my post.  She and I have talked about being negative. Well, actually, I have told her I felt she tended to be negative.

Even though she had some concerns that I might take her criticism the wrong way, she let me know there were a couple of mistakes.  She understands that what I publish is a reflection of me.  I really appreciated her taking the time to let me know about the mistakes.

I am sure that at sometime in your life you were told, or have told someone else, “It isn’t what your saying, it’s how you’re saying it.”

It isn’t always easy to tell a friend they made a mistake, or are behaving in a way that isn’t in their best interest.  AND, it isn’t always easy to hear these things from other people.

I believe when we care and we have the other person’s best interest at heart, letting them know we are concerned about their choices is a risk worth taking.  Or in my case, telling me I should be more careful when posting my blogs.

If someone were to ask you how you feel about this, what would you say?  And, is there someone in your life that has your back?

Humor

I am a firm believer that a good sense of humor can get us through most of life’s challenges.  And yet, I find myself often getting uptight when I should laugh things off.

When I was pregnant with my son, I remember reading an article regarding how parents tend to lose their sense of humor when it comes to their children.

During a conversation with a good friend this morning, he said to me, “Everyone around me seems to be so serious lately.” 

It got me thinking about the ability to just laugh at a situation, ourselves and yes, others.  Is it our pride, are we too self-conscious, or do we feel it isn’t dignified to just get our “silly” going?

While watching a TV show the other day with a close friend, we both acknowledged that the characters were dealing with a situation that we had just both dealt with.  While we didn’t find the humor when the subject was us, we were both laughing at the sitcom and agreed that it was VERY funny, although close to home.

I have decided that I am going to take life a bit less seriously, find the humor where I can and laugh-out-loud when I do something goofy.  My friend is right; there is perhaps a bit too much “serious” going on when there doesn’t need to be.

Did you know that laughter burns more calories than running?  Just in case you needed another reason to giggle.

Worry

We all do it!  Will we be picked last for a game on the playground?  Will we be asked to the birthday party?  Will we be liked? Will our kids get into the best kindergarten?  Will we get the job?  Find the right mate?  Afford a house?  And on and on it goes.

Basically we worry from the day we enter this world until the day we leave it.  And yet stress (worry) is harder on the body than pretty much anything else that can ‘get us’.

So, how do we get a handle on ‘worrying’ when it is as natural as breathing?  I suppose we can go through life with a ‘whatever happens’ attitude, and just blow off any and all the things that get thrown in our path.  It is what some people do.

We can also choose to allow our worries to affect our minds and bodies so much that we get more headaches and ulcers, therefore keeping us from enjoying our lives.  This is an option.

Or, we can learn to acknowledge our challenges, make a reasonable plan and then counter-balance them with the things that give our bodies and minds some carefree relaxing time.  No, it isn’t easy.

We are all different.  There are as many suggestions as there are problems.  There are as many answers as there are questions.

Think I will take some time this week and pay attention to my stressors.  Then I will take some time to find some perspective on what I can effect and make a plan to do the things that balance me and give me some peace.

You?

Ego

When it was suggested to me that it could be my ego that caused me to think I could handle all that life throws me, I wanted to protest.  THEN, I gave it some real thought.

What made me think that I could take on one more task?  What made me think I could handle one more problem?  What made me think I could keep all the balls in the air?  AND, never be stressed, never be short tempered, never let anyone down, and more importantly, do it all perfectly?

EGO!!!!  I never thought I had a big one.  I think perhaps I was wrong.  It’s not that I thought I was better than others.  No, I just thought I could handle things better than others.    

I found myself stressed to the limit, and, I was frustrated and running on empty.  Not in a small way, but a big one.  I became unreasonable and ranted and yelled at someone who didn’t deserve it.  Basically, I lost my cool.

We all get to the point of ‘having had enough’.  There isn’t anyone out there who isn’t dealing with either out of control children, an unreasonable boss, a loud neighbor, a messy spouse and/or friends and family that let us down.

Owning one’s behavior and accepting that being human means NOT being perfect is sometimes all we can do.  That and taking the time to stop, take a deep breath and find whatever method works best to release the stress in our lives before it builds to Biblical proportions.  

Make sense?

Would You Sign-Up?

I was talking with a friend the other day who was clearly distraught.  The summer was rough; she was dealing with many physical and emotional challenges, and things were not going her way.

While we were talking, she said in exasperation, “No one ever told me life would be this hard.”

I immediately had a picture (probably because two very close friends recently had grandkids), of a baby about to be born.  He or she sticks her head out and is given a scenario of all life will throw their way.  I am thinking most infants would say, “NO THANK YOU” and go back to the safety of the womb.

There is no question that we deal with great loss.  There is no question that our faith is continually challenged.  And, there is no question that many times crawling back under the covers is very appealing.

But the reality is, we are born in a world that throws us curve balls, spitballs and hard balls. (Yes, baseball season has even gotten to me).

To keep with the baseball analogy we have a few choices.  We can quit the game and walk off the field (not recommended).  We can pick ourselves up and continue to play as we have been.  Or we can think about this game, look at the good innings and accept that many times we will walk away shaking our heads and asking, “What happened here?”

I know life isn’t a game.  Loss and tragedy isn’t taken lightly.  I heard someone say they feel so deeply that they used to be depressed all the time.  Then someone told them, “This means you have the capacity to love so completely, is that a bad thing?”

My thoughts for today!  Yours?

A Good Friend

In one sentence my feelings shifted.  It was simply, “You are a good friend.”  During an on-line game with a friend of many decades, she wrote those simple words to me.

Most of us get nailed with “You are always judging me.”  Or, “don’t judge me.”  Or even, the old saying, “Until you walk a mile in my shoes.”  But this blog is more about how we judge ourselves.

If we always look at what we are not doing, instead of acknowledging what we are doing, we will always feel a sense of sadness and failure.

Life is very complicated.  We are faced with many decisions and choices.  We don’t come into this world with all the answers.  In fact, we come in with very little.  Hopefully the longer we live the more we grow and the more we learn.

Hopefully we have people in our lives that help us become someone we are proud of.  Someone we feel good about.  Someone whom if we could choose, we would choose to be our friend.

A good friend.

Judge and Jury

After posting a blog called “When I Lose 5 Pounds”, I received a very nice email from a very close friend of mine.

She wrote: 

“I wish that more people could focus on and foster the good and fortunate in their lives…. and that leads me to all the people that are so judgmental…. I know that human nature is to judge, but don’t people realize that we judge ourselves enough? There isn’t enough room or time to consider their judgments of us.”

I think this is a subject worth repeating and repeating and repeating.  There is a new device that Google makes.  It allows a person to wear glasses so they can see their emails, maps, movies and anything else that for some reason we feel we need to see while walking outside and hanging with friends.

I guess we need this because we certainly don’t get enough time in front of an electronic device.  Ok, enough of my sarcasm.

Actually, what I would like to see is someone invent a mirror that we can wear so we can look at ourselves as we go through our day.  Maybe if we looked more closely at our own behavior and actions we might actually pay more attention to how we treat other people.  We might actually get a chance to observe the struggles that others go through and then perhaps we might learn to be more compassionate and understanding and LESS a judge and jury.

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?

My Way or the Highway

We have all heard this expression. Bottom line is, “If you don’t see things the way I do, take a hike.”

There are lots of people who share this philosophy.  My dad being one of them.  The question is why?  There are probably as many reasons as there are people.  Some people just think they have all the answers.  Others, however, are just frightened by a changing world.

All of us grow up in different times than when we are parents.  Let’s face it the world does not stand still.  Twenty or so years bring changes in style, living conditions, values, etc.  So it stands to reason (well, my reason), that if the world is changing, those who adjust will have an easier time of it.

I know plenty of people who hold on very tightly to the values of their youth.  And, I know plenty of people who jump on the bandwagon and accept what they can’t change.

I truly believe there are many different ways to live life.  Are you happy with the way you are living yours?

Perhaps if you are one of those people who believe in, “My way or the highway,” you can open your mind just a little bit to see that although the world is different, there is so much good.  Look for the positive.  Look for your blessings. 

A highway can be a very lonely place if you are on it alone.

Not Perfect

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to always know the right thing to say?  Wouldn’t it make life easier to always know the right to do?  The problem is we all have different needs, we all have different styles and we all cope with our challenges differently.

Instead of spending time beating ourselves up over what we could have said or done differently, a better use of time would be to think about what the other person needs.  A simple way to do that is to ask the person what we can do for them.

This isn’t always easy as most of us think about what we ourselves would want.  Sometimes words of encouragement are needed.  Sometimes a shoulder to cry on is required.  Sometimes allowing people space and time to heal, and sometimes just being there helps.

The next time you are faced with a situation where someone is in pain or needs a friend, try asking, “What can I do for you?”

Then stop and listen to what they are telling you.  Not everyone needs the same things.

Hopefully the people in our lives know how much we love them even if we fall short of what they needed from us.  After all, we are human no one is perfect.

When I lose 5 pounds!

Does this sound like you?  “I will be happier when I lose 5 pounds?”  Or perhaps, ‘When I get a boyfriend, when I get married, when I get a raise, when I graduate school, when I buy a house, when I retire…”

The list can be endless.   The reality is that all the above doesn’t actually make someone happy.  We think it does, but for many we pass right up on the happy factor on our way to yet another goal.

Consider the concept of accepting ourselves and being happy with whom we are, right this minute.  Yes, a few pounds overweight, credit cards in the red, the house without the pool and the anything else you could throw in.

Most studies validate that happy people actually get their happiness from inside themselves and not the things that can be purchased.

I am not underestimating that money, great looks, or a perfect body isn’t appealing.  What I am trying to say is many of those people aren’t happy.  Hard to believe because most of those who don’t fall into that category can’t understand why not.

The reason?  They too want to lose 5 more pounds, have even more money in the bank, and would love to do whatever they feel is out of their reach.

Try finding the things in your life that you can be happy about right now.  Healthy children?  A loving spouse?  Your pets?  A job that pays your bills?  A bed to sleep in at night. 

Whatever it is for you, think about what really is important.  Or, no matter what you have, will you spend your life looking for yet one more thing that prevents you from being happy right at this very moment?

Who is in Charge?

 It has been my observation that children don’t change.  It is the adults that do.  I recently spent two days with my grandson.  The hotel was on the beach.  There was a pool, and the grounds had all sorts of outdoor activities.

We had just one rule.  All electronics were to stay in the room (yes, mine included). 

I think what made the biggest impression on me was not the change in the children from this generation, but in fact their parents and grandparents. The adults that entered the pool or walked down to the beach or tossed a ball with their kids were the most relaxed and had what appeared to be the most fun. 

Then there were the adults that were lying on lounge chairs texting and talking with friends.  They would look up from time to time, wave to their kids and go back to their devices.  Their kids were not laughing as much and were constantly yelling, “Look at me, look at me.”  They really wanted to engage with their parents.

I have had several friends complain about their young ones’ lack of awareness of their world.  Their complaint is that in a car or at a meal, the kids have their eyes down and their mind on a game.  

Perhaps if parents spent time playing word games or singing songs in the car along with sharing their thoughts and day with each other during dinner, there would be more interaction and connection.

When I make mention that, “You are the parent, remove the distraction,” I have been told I don’t understand what it is like to raise a child in today’s world.  Actually, what I don’t understand is the adults allowing their kids to run the household.

Think about it!