Where Did The Year Go?

Every year at this time you can hear the collective sighs of, “Where did the year go?”  It seems as if we are celebrating the New Year and then before you know it, it is summer time, then the smell of turkey.

It is a common cry of parents of teenagers (although for most the time goes way too slowly), and grandparents to reflect on years gone by way too fast.  My grandmother used to say, “It goes by all too quickly.”

Well, it is no surprise that when we count the days until Friday as a new workday begins, and we see the stores carrying products for one holiday before another one ends, that we are in fact rushing through our lives.

Children can’t wait to grow up.  Teenagers can’t wait to move out, get married, and have kids.  And middle-aged people fantasize about retirement.

WHAT IS THE RUSH???

I have a sister-in-law that makes a choice every day to find something fun to do.  She tells me, “I have to work, but I choose to play.”  It doesn’t matter if she is tired at the end of the day.  Whether meeting friends for a coffee treat, or a glass of wine, or heading to water aerobics, she plans her week with enjoyment as well as responsibility.

She also plans for naps and downtime.  I think we can all take a lesson from her.  It is true there are things we have to do that are chores and work.  It is also true we can find things to do that give us fun and pleasure.

Agree?

Putting Things In Perspective

I met an old friend today for lunch.  We have many interests in common.  However the conversation today was mostly about not giving up.  Opening all the doors until it is the right one.

We laughed as we shared the ups and downs of trying new things.  We compared notes regarding not giving up when perhaps others would have.

It is really hard to know when time and money is being wasted.  Or when time and money is being invested.

For everyone this is different.  I guess it helps to know how realistic your dreams are.  How much passion you have for what you’re doing.  And whether, in fact, it is worth the ride.

I had struggled a few years ago regarding taking on something new.  Writing a book.  There was money I would need to invest.  And certainly there was work that needed to be done.

I called my brother whose opinion I value.  He asked me two questions.  The first was, “Would the money you will spend cause you financial hardship?”  I told him “No.”  The second question was, “If you don’t do this, is it possible you might look back one day and wonder what would have happened had you gone ahead?”  I answered “Yes”.

It was as simple as that.  Sometimes when faced with decision-making, asking yourself these two questions could put everything in perspective.

Don’t Sweat What You Can’t Control

In the movies, the holidays are presented as a time when families and friends get together to eat, laugh and share their blessings.  Even if things start out tense, it always ends up with brotherly love and picture perfect memories.

Real life, especially these days, and the movies we watch aren’t always in sync.  With blended families and his, hers, theirs and ours, it is virtually impossible to please everyone.

There is one day called Thanksgiving, one day called Easter and one day called Mother’s Day, etc.  It is challenging at best to be everywhere at once. 

Isn’t the important thing that no matter when we get together, even if it is the day before Thanksgiving or the Sunday after Mother’s Day that we enjoy our family and friends?

Isn’t the important thing that we make memories and cherish our times together when we can?

Instead of making our children feel guilty, instead of getting our feelings hurt, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could open our hearts and our minds to not look at a calendar, but instead look at the people around the table and be happy for the time we do have?

I think so!

Words

It is amazing how simply using a different word can change a thought from a negative to a positive.  Someone can be stubborn or we can call him or her tenacious.  You could think a person is bossy; another can think that person takes control.

I am finding a fine line between nervousness and excitement.  Both these feelings can have the same affect on me.  Sweaty palms, a nervous stomach, and perhaps a feeling of being unsettled.

I know the poem that goes, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can NEVER harm me.”  I tend to disagree.  I think words are very powerful.

By simply changing the dialog in our heads, we can actually change our moods.  “I am stressed.”  Or,” I am challenged; I am overwhelmed”, or “I have a busy life.”

If your mind is anything like mine, you have a running monolog.  Okay, some more than others.  However, when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts.  When your mind goes to places that overwhelm and then immobilize you, try giving yourself a little pep talk.

Like a diet or learning a new skill, this takes focus, awareness, and practice. 

After all, wouldn’t you rather wake up and take on the day, than let the day get the best of you?

Second Guessing Ourselves

Does this sound like you?  What seemed like a good idea at the time is starting to feel like a mistake.  And the longer you think about it the bigger the mistake becomes.  It becomes so big, you are certain it is a deal breaker.

I believe that it is possible to over-think something until it actually becomes something else.  The reason I know this to be true is because it is a talent of mine.

Whether it is in an interview.  Whether it is at a school meeting.  Whether it concerns conversations we have had with our kids and friends, there are times that we over-obsess about the one thing we said that we regret.

I liken this to looking at ourselves in a mirror.  We tend to see the blemishes; we tend to see the one hair out of place, or the one hair on our face that shouldn’t be there.

However, those looking at us tend to see the smile, the kindness and hopefully the person we are.

As hard as this is for me personally, I am going to make every effort to be myself, not focus on the negative and not judge others when they also say something that perhaps they shouldn’t have.

Thoughts?

Worry

We all do it!  Will we be picked last for a game on the playground?  Will we be asked to the birthday party?  Will we be liked? Will our kids get into the best kindergarten?  Will we get the job?  Find the right mate?  Afford a house?  And on and on it goes.

Basically we worry from the day we enter this world until the day we leave it.  And yet stress (worry) is harder on the body than pretty much anything else that can ‘get us’.

So, how do we get a handle on ‘worrying’ when it is as natural as breathing?  I suppose we can go through life with a ‘whatever happens’ attitude, and just blow off any and all the things that get thrown in our path.  It is what some people do.

We can also choose to allow our worries to affect our minds and bodies so much that we get more headaches and ulcers, therefore keeping us from enjoying our lives.  This is an option.

Or, we can learn to acknowledge our challenges, make a reasonable plan and then counter-balance them with the things that give our bodies and minds some carefree relaxing time.  No, it isn’t easy.

We are all different.  There are as many suggestions as there are problems.  There are as many answers as there are questions.

Think I will take some time this week and pay attention to my stressors.  Then I will take some time to find some perspective on what I can effect and make a plan to do the things that balance me and give me some peace.

You?

My Way or the Highway

We have all heard this expression. Bottom line is, “If you don’t see things the way I do, take a hike.”

There are lots of people who share this philosophy.  My dad being one of them.  The question is why?  There are probably as many reasons as there are people.  Some people just think they have all the answers.  Others, however, are just frightened by a changing world.

All of us grow up in different times than when we are parents.  Let’s face it the world does not stand still.  Twenty or so years bring changes in style, living conditions, values, etc.  So it stands to reason (well, my reason), that if the world is changing, those who adjust will have an easier time of it.

I know plenty of people who hold on very tightly to the values of their youth.  And, I know plenty of people who jump on the bandwagon and accept what they can’t change.

I truly believe there are many different ways to live life.  Are you happy with the way you are living yours?

Perhaps if you are one of those people who believe in, “My way or the highway,” you can open your mind just a little bit to see that although the world is different, there is so much good.  Look for the positive.  Look for your blessings. 

A highway can be a very lonely place if you are on it alone.

The Years

It seemed like yesterday that I was at my parent’s house poolside watching my 3 year-old son and nephew splashing and laughing.  My next clear memory is visiting my mom and dad when they moved from the house to a condo.

It was 17 years later and while I was visiting them, I took note of a young mother who was playing with her toddler in the pool.  Without even thinking I said, “Enjoy this time; they are little for such a short period.”

To think that was 21 years ago absolutely amazes me.  We are all saying how fast the years go by.  It seems like we start a new year, blink our eyes and we are looking at end of the year holidays.

In the scheme of things, we are here for a very short period of time.  True, there will be many who make KNBC’s Smucker’s Jam and Jelly jars as they hit 100, however, more often than not, our time on this earth is somewhere between 70 and 80 years.

I am not writing this to be depressing or even to focus on our ‘exit date’, but more precisely to remind people to make the most of the time we are here.  Find your passion.  Laugh when you can.  Cry when you are moved to tears.  Tell those you love how important they are to you.

And, if you truly open-heart, use your time here to learn and grow, you will hopefully be able to look back over your life and feel good about the person you became.

Life’s Little Challenges

I play Words With Friends with someone whom I used to work with.  Many years ago she moved to the East Coast.  I got a message from her this morning that she locked herself out of the house.

While I was suggesting she call a locksmith and several other concrete ideas, she had a different take on it.  The weather is nice.  She is outside.  There’s no reason to panic, and she planned on waiting for her neighbor who comes and goes to give her the extra key she made for him.

Although it isn’t the worst of circumstances, someone else might have become unglued thinking of all the negative things this could cause.  Instead, my friend accepted that it would be awhile and is using the time the best she can.

I worked for someone who was always saying, “Affect what you can and don’t obsess about the things you can’t change.”  While this isn’t always easy, it is good advice.  It doesn’t mean that you sit back and do nothing; it just means that the negative, angry energy is a waste.  It doesn’t change anything, and in most cases will impact you and not the situation.

When you accept that things don’t always go smoothly, do the best you can to go with the flow.  This way you don’t deplete yourself when you are faced with larger, more pressing challenges.

Make sense?

Frequency

Last night a friend and I watched a movie that was out 13 years ago. 

It is a fantasy, basically Science Fiction.  The premise is an almost 40 year old who is able to connect with his father, his mother and himself when he was just 9 years old.

An old ham radio found 30 years later is the vehicle that allows this communication.  After all the people involved accept this very strange phenomenon, they are able to communicate in a way that is both delightful and concerning.

The premise is if you knew what was going to happen to you what lengths would you go through to alter that reality.  And, by altering it, how would you accept the consequences from the new reality?

The most interesting part to me was having the ability to talk with the child you were.  Comforting the youthful you.  If you were really able to have a ‘chat’ with yourself when you were a kid, what would you tell yourself? 

Me?  I would probably tell myself to enjoy life more.  I would say, “Worry less”.  Obviously it is easier to do this when you are older and have gotten past the trials and tribulations of growing up.

I have a very good friend who has said on more than one occasion, “If I had known how good my son was going to turn out, I would have slept better when he was a teenager.”

It is very hard not to worry; it is very hard to just trust things will work out.  Some people have challenges, where life gets the best of them.  For them I offer holding on to hope even if it means in small ways their situation improves.  And sometimes the best we can hope for is to deal with what cannot be changed or fixed. 

For those who can, I would offer that from time-to-time you could simply tell yourself during times of trouble and concern that life is cyclic.  And, after most storms there is greener grass and clearer skis.  

Extending an Olive Branch

Recently I was thinking about arguments, disagreements and grudges both new and old.  In some cases, either the injured party or the one causing the problem makes some kind of gesture to clear the air.  Or, more often than not, ignore the problem and just move on.

This had me thinking about the expression “Extending an Olive Branch.”  It is a very old expression coming from the Roman times.  The Olive Branch is actually quite fragile.  Easily broken, and yet its meaning is one of strength and repair.

It is very easy to get one’s feelings hurt.  It is very easy to blame another person for a situation gone badly.  And, it is very easy to come to conclusions that validate our own view and dismiss someone else’s.

What is not easy is admitting we might be wrong.  What is not easy is to get out of our own head to look at the situation from the other person’s point of view.

Perhaps if we stopped caring about who is ‘offering the olive branch’, and just agree to call a truce, or perhaps if we stopped getting stuck on who did what to whom, we would get along better in a world that has enough tension in it without our adding to it.

Really, is the fight, disagreement, or misunderstanding truly more important to you than the person is?

Think about it?

Say What?

Words can be very misleading.  We can say the same thing and yet have it mean something entirely different.  For example we might say a friend is stubborn, which has a negative connotation, or we might say they are tenacious, which means they stick to something, which sounds much more positive. 

When leaving a job or leaving a relationship or stopping an activity, do you feel like a quitter?  Or, do you just feel like you’re ready to start something new?

What are the internal messages you tell yourself?  When you choose to spend some time relaxing and kicking back, do you call yourself lazy?  Or do you tell yourself you are getting the rest you need and deserve?

When you start a project and stop, do you get angry at yourself because you feel like you aren’t focused, or do you feel good about yourself for the work you have done so far?

When you choose to have the donut after you committed to diet, do you tell yourself you are a weak, or do you give yourself permission to be human?

All day long we give ourselves messages.  Perhaps we should pay more attention to these.  Perhaps by simply doing this we will get a better understanding of why we feel good about ourselves, or why we judge ourselves too harshly.

Does this make sense?

How Far Have You Come?

I have to admit I was surfing Pinterest this morning.  I have several quotes on there.  I like to see what others are posting as I am finding new things to think about.  And, even though there are many quotes that I have heard many times, like a favorite song from my childhood, many things are worth repeating.

I had written a blog about Rome NOT being built in a day.  A reader commented that she in fact had a long way to go.

When I feel like the road is long and there doesn’t seem to be much progress, I spend time thinking about how far I have come.

I do this with a walk.  I do this with a project.  I do this when I get impatient with myself for NOT finishing all the ‘to do items’ on my ‘to do list’.

So much of our moods, our feelings of self-worth is what we tell ourselves.  I use to think about all the things I don’t know regarding my job.  Now I think about all I the things I have learned and how far I have come.

Simply taking a different view.  Finding a more positive perspective can make all the difference in whether we are happier, more relaxed and keeping a positive attitude in our lives and ourselves.

For me, I would prefer to look up instead of looking down.

You?

Bottom of the 6th.

Last night at dinner the discussion of my mother came up.  My mother is in an assisted living place and in her late 80s.  Around the table we had my grandson who is 10, a handful of 20 and 40 year-olds, my ex-husband, his wife and my son’s in-laws.

The reason I list all the above is to show the wide range of ages we have going on.

My ex-husband asked how my mother was doing.  I used a phrase that my brother uses (a baseball family, we are).  “She’s doing great for someone in the 9^th inning.”

My grandson looked up at me with concern.  I said, “Well, Travis, I am in the 7^th inning (again, we are a sports family).”  Without even blinking he said, “Naw, Grandma, bottom of the 6^th.”  He then went back to playing on his hand-held device.

I have been thinking about this.  We are all somewhere in this journey called life.  We can all look behind and we can all look ahead.  Hopefully we do this with fond memories, and great future memories to come.

I have to constantly remind myself that it isn’t the time we spend living, it is the quality of our time here.  I don’t believe it is as important to be in over-time as it is to make each inning of our lives ones that have meaning and worth.

And, these are my thoughts on this beautiful Friday morning.  You?

Individuality

I wanted a pair of stretch pants.  I was 13 and all my friends were getting them.  I didn’t particularly like them, however, all my friends were buying them.  I came home from school and asked my dad if I could have a pair.

He asked me one question.  It was, “Why do you want them?”  I had only one answer, “All the other girls were getting them.”  I got an answer that I didn’t understand then; however I do now.  “No! “ It was followed with a rather lengthy lecture about following the pack. Making my own choices.  Individuality as opposed to a group-thinking mentality.

I am pretty sure I hated my dad at that moment.  And many would say fitting in was important to young people and my dad was unreasonable.  Certainly at 13 I felt that way.

But now?  I have to agree with good old dad.  We are more and more a society that follows.  We get on bandwagons not because we necessarily have done our homework or because we agree, but more so because it seems like everyone else has joined in.

I find it interesting that we value the opinions of stars and people who are in the public rather than our own instincts and views.

I know this isn’t true of everyone and in every circumstance. 

I believe that is it okay to NOT follow the pack; what do you think?

Is The Grass Always Greener?

I was sitting in the park the other day.  I started to become really aware of my immediate surroundings.  I could see brown spots.  Areas where the dirt was uneven.  There were a handful of weeds, a gum wrapper and a few pesky gnats flying around.

I heard a noise across the park and looked up.  I noticed how green the grass looked over there.  I stood up and proceeded to walk towards that area.  When I got there, I sat down.  I looked all around me and again saw patches of brown, some weeds and an annoying fly. 

At this point I looked up at the area I had been sitting in and was amazed how green it looked.

This, of course got me thinking about the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”  It’s amazing what we miss when we are far away.

Most everyone is dealing with some sort of garbage.  Most everyone has times in their life when things are good.  I think we tend to believe that other people have an easier life, a smoother road, or a more uneventful journey than our own.

Maybe if we looked really closely at those we envy, we would see that they are also dealing with their own patches of weeds.  Just like us.

And, maybe if we really paid attention to the good things in our own life, we would get more pleasure and enjoyment on our own side of the fence.