How Can I be a Better Person?

In the 1997 movie As Good as it Gets, Jack Nicholson’s character tells his ladylove, “You make me want to be a better person”. While this might seem corny 18 years later, there is much to think about here.

We all have people in our lives that elevate our behavior. These people take the high road; they show patience and compassion, which we view with awe. Being around them just ups our game. Their kind of energy and behavior is a very positive influence on our lives.

 

And then there are the people in our circle that we can truly say, “I don’t like me when I am with you”. In a recent conversation with good friends this very topic came up. I actually broached the subject when I found myself reacting to someone else’s rage by disregarding my ‘good judgment’ and saying things I later regretted. Not that these things didn’t need to be said, but it was the manner in which I expressed myself that I regret.

I take full responsibility for what comes out of my mouth and what flies off the pages. However, it is not lost on me that we all have those people in our lives who can ‘push our buttons’ like no others can.

 

There are many articles written (mine included) that give sage advice on how to avoid going down the verbal lane that leaves behind many wounded, including ourselves. Some of the most common bits of wisdom are:

• Take a time out


• Don’t use the argument as an excuse to dump years of anger


• Give the other person the chance to talk


• Address only the issues


• Don’t yell or talk in anger


• Agree to disagree

The truth of the matter is that sometimes these rules just don’t work. Sometimes we have to make difficult choices. Some relationships are simply toxic. And although there can be much sadness in the loss of a friendship, there often is a defining moment when it is VERY clear that changes need to be made. Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. When we stop being nice to one another or when we take that person for granted or when we feel there is more anxiety than happiness, perhaps it is time to close this chapter. This is never easy to do, for we often spend endless hours thinking about the good times. We often drag out pictures of silliness and laughter we had once enjoyed. We do this at the same time we question whether we truly want to permanently end all contact.  But in the end, it is in our best interest to use sound judgment and if need be, give ourselves permission to move on.

During our lifetime we teach others how to treat us by what we expect and what we ultimately accept. My personal gauge: I am close to people when I feel ‘good about me’ being in their company. These people don’t demand, they ask. They appreciate, they do NOT keep score.

Each one of us should have our own personal list of what is a deal breaker in our relationships. Spending time with positive people can make us want to be a better person by being around them.

Don’t you agree?

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How Can I be a Better Person?

How Do I Believe in Myself?

I grew up in an era where we believed what teachers told us, we were taught to never question a police officer and if a man of the cloth preached a sermon it was indeed the truth.

We are decades away from my upbringing. Young and old have joined together to become a generation of people who question authority. To take it one step further, we have become a cynical society when it comes to those who are in charge.

So, why is it that when it comes to our own friends, partners and neighbors, we take what they have to say about us to heart? Why are we not rejecting or at the very least questioning their truth over our own?

I suppose one reason can be that we all want to be accepted and liked. Most of us come into relationships with own insecurities and fears.   Because of this, people who seem stronger, wiser and more confident can cause us to question our own good judgment.

I have learned over the past several years that my instincts are good. I have learned also that am capable of identifying red flags and knowing what is right and wrong for me. I have also learned that I am adept at trashing my logic and what I believe is in my own best interest, to go ahead anyway and make wrong decisions.

Why, you ask? I would have to say it is because I am human. I believe that most of us want to believe what we are told. Most of us want to believe that people have good intentions. And, like me, so many of us gather all the facts, think through the situation and then with eyes wide open, we often make incorrect decisions.

I am pretty sure that the universe intends for us to have these experiences and then learn from them. Whether it is a kid on a bicycle who falls, a business that fails or a marriage that ends in divorce, life presents many opportunities. Are you someone who is capable of learning what life has to teach us?

I saw a sign the other day that said, “The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings.” This is now my new motto.

So, my advice to you is; don’t be afraid to dust yourself off, believe in yourself and start over. Give it some thought!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

 

How Do I Believe in Myself?

Riding The Rails of Life

I am at an age where my friends and I are talking about our aches and pains, retirement and the ‘third-act’. Yes, some of us are in the 7^th and 8^th inning.

While most of my friends are dealing with non-life threatening issues at this point, one isn’t. She has recently been told that she has a couple of health related illnesses that are in fact, life threatening.

About three months ago I had hand surgery that has caused me much pain and limitations (my dominant hand). Not only have I had to depend on my loved ones for simple tasks, and call on my patience (one of my biggest challenges), I have also questioned whether I even wanted to continue to write and publish my book.

After reading a very personal and very self-reflective letter from my friend this morning, I am writing for the first time in three months. Her very wise words cannot be ignored.

Many of us spend time reminiscing about the past, living in the present and dreaming and fantasizing about the future. She is very much only in the present.

Her analogy is about a train we are born on. People get on and off throughout our lives. The ride brings us joy, sorrow, expectations, hellos, goodbyes and farewells. She goes on to say that because we don’t know when it will be our turn to get off this train and leave our seat empty, the best we can do is make beautiful memories, reap success and love, and let yourself be loved.

 

She went on to end with most importantly thanking God for the journey. And her final words were to thank me for being a passenger on her train.

I have always wondered what I would say and do when I face the 9^th inning of my life. I would like to think that I will face it with grace and dignity. My friend has now set my bar even higher. While taking care of herself, she is also taking care of the important people in her life. A very loving and unselfish thing to do. I am in awe and very inspired by her to make my time meaningful, elevate those around me and make the most of my journey.  This is a wake-up call to me.

Be good to others, be good to yourself.

Riding The Rails of Life