Communication

I write a lot about communication.  I believe it is very important whether we are talking about interpersonal relationships, work situations or just plain getting along.  And, I have to admit like everyone else, I am guilty of NOT communicating in a way that I would like.

Presently, I find myself in a situation where communication has broken down completely.  And, I find myself just wanting to give up.  Here is what I have taken out of my recent communication breakdown.

Nothing that you text, write or say will be taken in the vein you mean it when the receiver is angry.  If you say something like, “Thank you for being an adult (yes, a direct quote from me), they will hear, “Thank you for finally NOT acting like a child.”  What I really meant was, “Thank you for taking the time to address this and NOT do as many do and just blow it off.”

I said, “You are so good at this game, why would you need a dictionary?”  They took it in a way that questioned their integrity.  I believe when someone is already sensitive, NO matter what is said, it will be taken wrong. 

It is becoming easier for me to understand with all the problems in the world with different cultures, political views and backgrounds, why it seems impossible to understand and come to terms on any subject.

When two friends who speak the same language can’t agree on something so silly as the rules to an on-line game, how in the world can we agree on issues that are much more important and serious?

Can you relate?

The Rest of the Story

My brother likes to tell this story about his friend, who was very aware of his young son’s ability to stretch the truth and be dramatic.

During a play date, the 10 year old ran to his dad crying that his friend pushed him down and broke his glasses.  Instead of dad getting all upset, he simply said, “What did you do right before you were pushed?”  Without blinking an eye, the boy simply said, “I punched him, but two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Although this is a funny story, I believe that we tend to jump to conclusions without hearing the entire story. 

Perhaps the next time you are about to go off on someone, try asking a few questions to get some clarity on what really happened.

Perhaps doing this will stop an argument or misunderstanding.

Think about it.

Never Say Uncle

It was an expression we used as a kid.  Meaning, “I will NOT give up.”  I was texting a friend of many years this morning.  I asked her how she was doing and her response to me was, “I am good, really good.”

I cannot tell you how this inspired me.  Only 5 years ago she lost her job, gave up her condo and moved in with her mother in another state.  She was dealing with a bad break-up and in general, she lost her faith in the opposite sex.

What my friend NEVER did was give up.  She wanted to.  She was depressed, without energy and feeling as if no matter what she did, life dumped on her.

She did everything in her power to get a job back in this area, get back into her condo and rebuild her trust in men, and is now in a relationship.  Was this easy?  NO!

What a difference a few short years have been for her.  I am inspired by her and others daily who face their challenges head on.  Sure, it might seem like two steps back for every step forward.

Are you the type of person who NEVER says Uncle?  Although there have been many times I have wanted to, I believe I am.

Comfort Zone

We all have a ‘comfort zone’.  For some of us it is a large area, and for others it is much smaller.    Whether meeting new people, speaking in public or joining groups, everyone is different in how they feel regarding change and being put in new situations.

Yesterday, my comfort zone was challenged.  If asked, I would have said I wasn’t capable of doing what I was asked to do.  I would have said that I wouldn’t do a good job.

Yesterday I learned something about myself.  Not only was I capable, but also I was told that I did a good job.  The experience left me thinking that life puts up enough roadblocks without my help.

If someone were to ask me my opinion regarding the subject of one’s comfort zone, it would be, “Move past it.  Go to that party that you would tend to shy away from.  Go on a job interview even if you think you aren’t qualified.  And, say yes to someone who asks you out, even if you don’t think they are your type.”

Perhaps you might find that you actually had a good time, or you met someone you wouldn’t normally have met, or like me, you were actually competent in doing something you thought you couldn’t handle.

Don’t allow your ‘comfort zone’ to keep you from trying something new.  Life is an adventure.  Sometimes the unexpected is the best part.

Thoughts?

An Open Mind

We’ve all heard the expression, “If you want God to have a good laugh, make a plan.”  Obviously, this addresses the many times we tend to choose a direction in life, just to find ourselves on a different path.  I wonder how many of us in our 30s and older have said, “My life is exactly what I thought it would be.”  I believe very few.

And yet, without some idea of what we want to do, what we want to become and what we want our lives to look like, most of us would be floundering.

I used to tell my son that it doesn’t matter where we start.  What matters is where we finish.  I have amended that to “What really matters is all the time in between.”

Are you finding yourself in a rut?  Are you predicable in your choices?  Have you become a creature of habit?

If you answered yes to the above, maybe you ought to give some thought to mixing it up.

When you make a plan and it doesn’t work out, instead of getting upset or frustrated, how about keeping an open mind and seeing this as simply a different direction.  How about seeing your life as an adventure, a book yet to be written or finished.

It is always good to have goals and aspirations.  It is also good to learn to go with the flow.  After all, you never know what new and exciting things are in store for you if you just keep an open mind.

Thoughts?

Holding Up A Mirror

I received an email from a friend of many decades.  It simply said, “Was your last blog about our relationship?”  It was the one where I wrote about hurt feelings and keeping score.

I assured her she wasn’t the subject.  Then I asked her why she thought I was referring to her.  She thought that since we have had issues over the years, she just wanted to check.   Please, is there anyone out there who has not had spats and misunderstandings with family or friends?

She then went on to say that if I was writing about her, she wanted to take a look at her own behavior to see if there is anything she should perhaps do differently.

I thought about this on and off throughout the day.  Instead of her becoming defensive, she actually held a mirror up to herself to see in what ways she might be responsible.  She also didn’t stew about it; she asked me in a direct manner, looking for information, not a fight or an argument.

How many people actually self-assess?  How many people really give thought to their own actions when a situation goes badly?  Perhaps if more of us did, we could defuse situations rather than igniting them.

Something to think about.

Truthfully Speaking

Ever since I can remember, I was told that lying was wrong.  I was also told that ‘little white lies’ were okay.  The ‘little white lies’ were used to tell someone their hair looked good (when it was beach hair), you liked the couch they just bought (although it was made from the same material that your Great Aunt used for her drapes when you were a little kid).

And, we all understood the importance of telling a relative, “I’m sorry, I have allergies”, when confronted with an awful looking vegetable dish at her house.

 Somewhere between using ‘white lies’ to spare feelings, we have adapted them as a way of getting out of social obligations, attending meetings at school, or a number of other things that we don’t want to deal with.  Sometimes we just tell them to make ourselves look better.

What is wrong with just telling the truth?  If the other person isn’t happy with that, then they aren’t happy with it.  However, I am not advocating telling someone how he or she really looks in his or her jeans!

Perhaps if the people we are lying to wouldn’t give us a hard time and make us feel guilty, we wouldn’t feel the need to do this.

What do you think?