Being Authentic

This is a subject that I am almost obsessed with. What exactly does it mean? For me, it means acting on the outside how I feel on the inside. Or, one could say, being true to myself.

When I was just 14 and getting ready to go on my first ‘real’ date, a family friend gave me advice that stays with me decades later.

We were sitting in my backyard and I looked troubled. He asked me what was bothering me. I told him I was going on my first date with a boy I liked and I wasn’t sure how to act and how to be.

He simply said, “Be yourself. If you stay true to who you are, you will not have to worry about who you tried to be or who you tried to act like.” I took his advice. Then and since.

It was never my goal to have everyone like me. I never changed my behavior to please someone else. I understood that some people would want to be my friend because of my humor, personality and values, and some would not, for the very same reasons.

I think too many people worry about being liked. I think too many people tell others not what they feel, but what they think they should say.

I believe we are all special in many ways. We have different talents, different opinions and different ways of doing things.

Perhaps if we could learn to celebrate our differences instead of trying to be like everyone else, we would be more comfortable. After all, it is our differences that makes the world a more interesting place.  Being authentic means being real.

My dad’s friend Bernie died many decades ago, yet to this day his advice to my teenage self gave me a lifetime lesson that has served me well.

Hopefully his advice will be something that has value to you, also.

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Being Authentic

Perception

This is a very interesting subject to me. We all hear about studies that are done regarding witnesses to an accident. If there were five eyewitnesses, there would be five different accounts of what happened.

I believe the reason for this is because we tend to bring so much to a situation. Pre-conceived ideas, past experiences, our own view of what is short or tall, slender or heavy. And, to top all that off, many of us make conclusions before hearing or seeing all of the facts.

It is no wonder that relationships become strained from communication issues. Many of us tend to hear what we want, that is of course, other than our own tone and judgment, and many times we are forming our defense and rebuttal long before the other person has explained themselves.

Why is this? Are we so anxious to “set the record straight”? Are we so impatient to be heard because we think we won’t remember the point we wanted to make?

I suppose there are many reasons. However, I believe most of us can do a much better job of being a better listener. Just because someone has an opinion and states it, doesn’t make it a fact. And, we really aren’t obligated to answer or defend anything we don’t want to.

My feeling is there would be less arguing and bad feelings if we spent more time working on ourselves and less time pointing out other people’s faults.

My feeling also is we might just get some insight into how we are seen by others if we tend to get the same kinds of feedback from many different sources.

So, what does this have to do with the eyewitnesses to an accident? Just that we are human, and our memories are convenient. Even so, we might learn and grow if we open ourselves up to the possibility that there is actually another viewpoint other than our own.

Do you agree?

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Perception

Your Younger You!

I found an interesting article in People Magazine this week where various movie stars and other famous people were asked what advice they would give their ‘younger’ self.

I found this interesting because most all of the people interviewed said, “Enjoy wherever you are in life, learn from your mistakes and don’t take yourself or what others say so seriously.”

I cannot stress enough about this journey called life. And it doesn’t really matter what age you are or where you are in your life. It will provide you with highs and lows. It will offer you chances and then take them away, and it will give you reason to laugh and to cry. You will, if you are lucky, feel and love so deeply that the loss and hurt will be painful.

Life should NOT be walked through; it should be approached with gusto, loud laughter and big old crocodile tears. Whatever age you are, take chances, open your heart, open your mind.

Look at your life as a gift. Treasure that gift. Always learn, always be kind, and always elevate those around you. Be the positive force in someone else’s life, but more importantly, be the positive force in your own life.

Don’t wait until you are in a nursing home or not mobile, to think of all the things you wanted to do and didn’t. Get up everyday and, as they say, “Take it on”!

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Your Younger You!

My Plate

If I were to compare my ‘stress plate’ with a ‘turkey plate’, I can only describe it as over-stuffed.

 

As I write this, my 12-year-old Beagle is having leg surgery. I myself will be having hand surgery in 3 weeks. Next weekend is our family reunion, which is out-of-town (yes, along with joy and fun there is ALWAYS stress when everyone gets together), plus the normal challenges that life presents us with.

While driving Roxie to the vet this morning, I was VERY aware of my heart beating a bit faster and my anxiety level starting to become uncomfortable. Just before I ‘allowed’ myself to become fully overwhelmed (still working on this challenge), I noticed the car in front of me with the license plate that said ‘Kope Grl’. Before I could fully appreciate the irony, it dawned on me that the song on my play list was from Frozen – “Let it Go”.

It amazed me how quickly I began to calm down as my thoughts changed to the following: “In a few days Roxie will be better.” By the beginning of the year, my hand will be much better, and lastly, along with the stress of all of us getting together (which restaurant do we go to, or will it be a movie or walk downtown), will come laughter, fun and the love that only families can provide.

The truth is that life is a mixture of calm and stress. It provides us with ups and downs, and as the saying goes, “You can’t get a rainbow without getting rain.”

 

So, the next time you find yourself letting your ‘stress plate’ get overloaded, try to use your internal tools, i.e., deep breathing, counting to 10, and acknowledge that time has a way of will healing what ails us. These things will help to stop you from becoming immobilized and help you to cope with the stress that comes with living.

Agree?

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My Plate