Isn't it IRONIK?

I am not talking about making lemonade from lemons. I am not talking about dealing with life’s little challenges. I am talking about when life truly hits you with a full-blown-out catastrophe.

A 24-hour pity party with a box of chocolate won’t help. A glass of wine with a friend doesn’t cut it. And the sage old advice about life not giving you more than you can handle is pure bunk.

When the disappointment seems unending. When your sadness seems like a life-sentence, when there are no good solutions, how does one go on?

When it come to mistakes we’ve made, unfairness or the many injustices others have done to us, it really only hurts us if we obsess about it. Fostering hurts and wounds only keeps them alive for us. The other guy has moved on and more likely than not is not affected by his or her actions.

Whether you were over looked for promotions. Whether a fire or other natural disaster took your possessions, whether you experienced a loss of a friend or family member, the reality is life does continue.

I read and hear about such tremendous challenges people go through. I read and hear about where their lives are years later. So many are stronger, and although have the physical and emotional scars continue to keep going. Yes, some better than others.

I believe the reality is that most of us will experience situations that will question our faith, question ourselves, cause us to wonder if it really is worth it and have us wonder whether the world wouldn’t be better off without us.

If this sounds like a familiar story line, one just needs to have seen the Christmas movie called, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I have no answers or solutions. I have always felt it is not the trouble we get into that is important; it is how we handle it that speaks of our character and worth.

So, when life seems to kick you in the ass, whether you helped it or truly are a victim, accept it, own it, look for solutions and move on with your life. It is what survivors do.

When Life Kicks You in the Ass

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Who Will Be There For Me?

The other day while walking my dogs. a dog without a leash came bounding across the street. He was big, he was fast and I immediately became concerned. Although he didn’t act or look like a threat, my little dog could have started barking and I found myself concerned that things could get out of control.

While telling the stray dog to go home, I am the one who did exactly that. I managed to get my two pups back in the house. I then grabbed some dog treats and walked up the street to try and find this dog’s home. Yes, I was uneasy, yes, I was a bit nervous. My biggest fear however, was that this beautiful dog could get hit by a car.

All turned out well as my friend and I worked together to read “Gypsy’s” tags and locate the owner.

Before that happened, I approached a lady across the street where it turned out Gypsy lived. The lady was in her car in her driveway. I said, “Hello, I am wondering if you know this dog or it’s owner.” She looked at me while still in her car and said, “No, and I am not a dog person, and it’s not my business.”

In my mind, I couldn’t help but take her lack of compassion to the next step. If she heard a neighbor lady scream, would she NOT call 911 because it wasn’t her business? How often do we hear about a crowd watching someone being bullied or assaulted and walk away? I understand fear of retaliation or taking a chance that the attacker would turn on you. However, reporting the incident, offering to make a phone call, some gesture of helping someone in need…

It didn’t take me long to use my imagination and escalate this scenario.

There are many variations of the following poem. It was written by Martin Niemoller (Jan. 14 1892 – March 6 1984). I immediately thought of it.

“When the Nazis came for the communists, I did not speak out; as I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats, I did not speak out; I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists, I did not speak out; I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews, I did not speak out; as I was not a Jew.

When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.”

We need to really think about the world we want to live in and the messages and lessons we want to leave our children. After all, history has shown that the future of our world is truly in our hands.

No matter how big or small the situation is, if we aren’t there for each other, who will be?

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Who Will Be There For Me?

Friday, August 8, 2014

What Defines You?

Have you ever thought about what defines you? If you were asked to list out 10 things, what would your list look like? For some, they would start out by describing themselves physically. For others, they would start with their personality traits. For still others, they might put their accomplishments.

I wonder how many people would list, “The person I am with.” Me? This would not make my list of 10. Mine would look like the following:

Reflective

Open-minded

Funny (I understand this is still up for debate)

Caring

Direct

Appreciative

Loving

Understanding

Short

Good Hair

I met a friend for drinks and a bite to eat yesterday. We have known each other for around 20 years. She is smart, she is attractive, she is a good friend, she is grounded and she is compassionate. Everyone who is close to her can easily see these endearing traits. And yet, and this is a BIG yet, when there is not a good-looking guy in her life, her opinion of herself is pretty much “0”. She acknowledges (I told you she is smart), that her head tells her this is crap. She also admits with much frustration that her heart and her feelings cannot get past this very shallow and superficial view.

We need to do a better job of teaching our children to love and value themselves. We need to compliment them and instill a strong sense of individuality, so that no matter what their dress size is, or color of hair, or how tall or short they are, they feel valued and loved.

Until a person can truly love themselves ‘warts and all’, they will always live a life that looks for validation from the next boyfriend or girlfriend. Do not give up your power to another person. You are good enough just the way you are!

Can you feel my frustration? What do you think?

What Defines You?

Monday, August 4, 2014

From The Grave

Although I know my title seems morbid, it isn’t meant to be. I couldn’t have been more than 10 when my father told me that we keep the generations before us alive by telling and retelling stories to our own children. He said for the most part, a person’s life is forgotten after two generations.

I was lucky to have three of my four grandparents until my early 30s. My son was 8 when his last great grandparent passed away. My son now has an 11-year-old son. Travis knows my mother, who is 89. He has no idea who my father is or any of my grandparents.

I am finding this sad and unfortunate. While reading an article today in People Magazine about Bindi Irwin, the daughter of Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter star), I mostly focused on what she said gave her the most amount of comfort through the most difficult of times, regarding the loss of her dad.

He wrote her many letters. He shared many stories, and he made videos for her and her brother. While he couldn’t have predicted his untimely death, his instinct to share his life with his children is a gift that will give them a piece of their father that they wouldn’t otherwise have. And, this they can also share with their children and grandchildren.

Next time you give a birthday gift or holiday gift to your children and grandchildren, why not also include a story about you. A story about your childhood. Give them some insight into what your dreams were. What you wanted to do with your life. What kind of kid you were.

I would give anything if I could sit down for even an hour and ask my grandmother about her life as a child. Our parents and grandparents are always asking about our lives and us. They listen to what we have to share. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we, as adults, could have an opportunity to get to know them, by reading the stories they left us?

For most it is when we are older and less absorbed in our own lives that tend to reflect and realize just how precious time is. Do you agree?

From The Grave

This Is Only a Test!

Yes, it’s true, this is only a test. Not a Blog! But standby because there’s another one coming along any second! Please stand by…

This Is Only a Test!

Friday, July 25, 2014

When Life Kicks You in the Ass

I am not talking about making lemonade from lemons. I am not talking about dealing with life’s little challenging. I am talking about when life truly hits you with a full-blown out catastrophe.

A 24-hour pity party with a box of chocolate won’t help. A glass of wine with a friend doesn’t cut it. And the sage old advice about life not giving you more than you can handle is pure bunk.

When the disappointment seems unending. When your sadness seems like a life-sentence, when there are no good solutions, how does one go on?

If this sounds like a familiar story line, one just needs to have seen the Christmas movie called, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I have no answers or solutions. I have always felt it is not the trouble we get into that is important; it is how we handle it that speaks of our character and worth.

So, when life seems to kick you in the ass, whether you helped it or truly are a victim, accept it, own it, look for solutions and move on with your life. It is what survivors do.

Until it is Gone

“I miss the good old days.” Or, “I really miss my dad. I think of him everyday. I would give anything to have more time with him”, are said way too often. This could also apply to any family member, friend, neighbor or co-worker.

Although many make the time to be with their loved ones, are we really doing a good job of appreciating them while they are still in our lives? I don’t mean to judge or would I even attempt to say how much time is the right amount of time. I just know when parents and grandparents are gone; it never seems to be enough.

When I was younger and would go to a restaurant with my family, we always felt bad for the couples that had the newspaper up to their eyeballs while eating with each other. Now, of course, the whole family sits around a dinner table with the expectation that all the electronic devices are also invited to dine.

I remember a time when adults would talk and children would color or play with their food. I now see toddlers in their high chairs with a propped up computer screen for them to occupy their time. REALLY?

Who are these people that think this is a good idea? Meals, whether at home or in public should be about sharing, lively conversation and laughter. Have we gotten so far out of touch with what is really important? Do our children have to grow up and move on for us to try and make up for all the years we didn’t get to really know them? Do we need to lose people before we really appreciate them?

Don’t be the person who regrets not appreciating what you have now until it is gone. But more importantly, don’t be the person who regrets not spending time with the people you care about in your life until they are gone!

Something to not just think about, but upon!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Throwback Thursday!

I have noticed more and more people posting pictures and events from their past. FB has started a craze that is called ‘Throwback Thursday (TBT)’. (We seem to be a generation of followers of whatever the latest fads are).

I for one, love this new FB trend. It is wonderful that so many people are honoring their parents and grandparents by sharing memories with friends who have not had the opportunity of knowing them.

Posting pictures of themselves going through the years and decades of ‘Fashion Faux Pas’.

The old pictures are so much fun.

I think there is a larger reason that ‘TBT’ has taken off. Life is very stressful. We are challenged with a world that has become global and very competitive. Many of the values we grew up with have been over-looked or completely ignored. The truth is, many of us yearn for what we remember as a less complicated time in our lives.

While keeping the past close to your heart, remember the present is where you live. Make this time the best. One day when you are much older, it will be today that is a memory for your children and grandchildren. Don’t just talk about ‘the good old days’. Create them each and every day.

Thoughts?

Sandwich Generation

For those who haven’t heard the term, it means you are young enough to have elderly parents and old enough to have grandchildren.

I alternate between visits to see my mother who is surrounded by people in their 90s at various stages of health (although most of them are declining), and weekends with my 11 year old grandson, who has so much energy it can be exhausting.

Me? Right in the middle. I am not ready for the rocking chair, but I am also not quite up to one-on-one basketball for the half hour he can easily muster up.

When I leave my mother’s place, a couple of thoughts go through my mind. The first one is sadness. It is hard to see my once very vital mother sitting in a wheelchair waiting for someone to take her to a meal and then back to a group of people who nap on and off all day long. My next thought is a bit lighter, when I think there are days when she laughs and enjoys activities and visits.

When I spend time at the park with my grandson I also go through a couple of thoughts. The first one is, how can we harness this energy? I can’t keep up. My next thought is at least I was involved to the degree I could be. After all, I didn’t just sit on the grass and watch him play.

I guess if I were to really give this ‘sandwich’ generation real thought, it would be to live your life exactly where you are. Perhaps a bit more tired than you would like to be, but with enough energy to enjoy the activates that you love.

Live In The Moment! It is, after all, where you reside!

Friday, May 23, 2014

Wisdom

A young wife called into a talk radio show to complain about her messy husband and noisy kids. She said she was tired of picking up after him and reminding her little ones to be quieter.

As soon as she aired her list of complaints, to which the on-line therapist gave her suggestions on how to deal with her family, another caller was waiting to pipe in.

This woman in her 70s said her husband died many years ago and her children have long been gone, having moved away for careers and to live their lives.

She said she too used to complain about the same kinds of things. She said her house is now very quiet. TOO quiet. And everything is in place, not a shoe or piece of clothing ‘hanging’ around.

With much wisdom and reflection, the older woman said it is the very things we complain about that one day we will miss.

When you walk into your home and hear the kids yelling or arguing, stop and think, one day they will move on. When you see your partner’s clothes or personal property on the kitchen table or floor, stop and think, what if something were to happen to them.

One of the best advice I was given in my 30s by a favorite employer of mine was, “Roni, don’t sweat the small stuff.” He then went on and pretty much threw everything other than health and real tragedy into the small stuff category.

Don’t wait until you are older and you are alone to realize how much you will miss the very things that bother you now.