Emily Post

When I was growing up, Emily Post, who was an American author famous for writing on etiquette was the go-to person on any subject regarding protocol.  How to set a formal dinner table, what is expected when attending a wedding, along with how does a houseguest reciprocate was frequently addressed.  And then there was, “Do I have to write a thank you note since I already thanked the person at my birthday party?”  If there was a sticky situation or you were unsure about the ‘rules’ of etiquette, Emily had an appropriate solution.

Where is Emily when we really need her?  I have several friends who are looking for answers to questions from:

1         .    When I send a text, shouldn’t I get an answer?

           .    Should I leave a voice message, or just hang up the phone?

           .    I have been invited to several weddings, however, I can’t return the invitation because I have such a large family.  What do I tell people who are expecting to be included?

           .    I am hosting a game night and can’t invite all my friends, but I am concerned someone will find out and have their feelings hurt.  How do I handle things when I get a call asking me why they weren’t invited?

I am not sure what Emily would say regarding the above concerns, however, I believe, (yes, my opinion) is communication is key.  If you would like a response from a text, then tell the person to please let you know they received your message.  Find out if your friends prefers a voice-message, or will they know you want to chat simply by the fact that they can see you called.   If asked, explain to those not invited to an event that although you are sad and disappointed you just don’t have the resources or space to include them, it just isn’t possible.

Yes, some people will be upset.  Yes, some people won’t understand.  In a world that changes as quickly as the weather, the best advice I can give is to be open, honest and sincere.

If you were Emily Post, what would you say?

Say It With Chocolate Chips Cookies

The expression is, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  I have to say, I am a firm believer in this.  For several months I sent emails, called on the phone, sent faxes and wrote letters.  I explained my position.  I got frustrated, expressed anger and did everything humanly possible to get results.

Well, I thought I did everything possible.  Then one morning it dawned on me to bake some chocolate chips cookies, drive my car and go directly to the place of business.  I was greeted with smiles, escorted through doors, placed at a desk, and was given the star treatment.

Within 2 weeks all paper work was completed, my complaints addressed and I received the results I was looking for.

Had I thought of my plan earlier, I would have avoided much frustration and stress.  However, if I did that, I would NOT have learned a very powerful lesson.  Most people are immune to complaints and impatience.  They hear them all the time, so it starts to sound like, “Blah, blah, blah.”  However, what they aren’t used to is someone appreciating them.

Now, you don’t really have to bake cookies in all instances (however, they don’t hurt).  Sometimes simply acknowledging that someone is busy.  Telling someone you appreciate his or her time.  Telling someone their hair looks great can actually get the same results.  What you are doing is noticing them as ‘people’.  Not as an ‘institution’.  There is an enormous difference.

So, the next time you are looking to get someone’s attention, try a little sugar or honey, or better yet, chocolate chip cookies.

Agree?

It's All Relative

My family moved from the East Coast to the West Coast when I was small.  They brought us to warmer weather, beautiful mountains and a location where we could be swimming in the ocean one day and throwing snowballs the very next.

What they didn’t bring with them were my cousins.  We grew up 3,000 miles away.  Over the next many decades we got together at various family functions and vacations we took.

I was four years old when we came to California.  It amazes me how the connection between my cousins and I pick up within seconds of our being together.  There have been times when 5 to 7 years have gone by with NO communications, and yet when we see each other it is like we met for coffee the day before.

With all the challenges thrown our way.  With all the people who come in and out of our life, I count on the fact that when there is a wedding, graduation or even a funeral it will be my cousins that I feel most comfortable with.  Besides our siblings, they are our first friends.

If you have cousins you have lost contact with, consider calling or writing to them.  Hopefully like me it will feel as if you have recaptured a little something of your childhood.

Do you agree?

Enduring Friendship

We used to meet and talk about our jobs and our relationships.  It had been about 6 months since we last shared a cup of coffee and caught up.  I have known Kathy for over 30 years.  Busy lives and a bit of distance makes it hard to meet more frequently. 

Our friendship had an interesting start.  I was taking a few courses at a local college and was trying to get into an already overcrowded class.  The teacher asked each of us to give a compelling reason why we should get a seat.  I stood and said, “I have a young son I am supporting and have to work during the day.”  I was immediately in.  Next to me was a stranger who stood and said, “I am with her.”  Also, in!  I looked at her and she said, “I guess this means I owe you a coffee.”  Over coffee we laughed till we cried about how we were both now stuck with Micro Economics. 

This has been an enduring friendship that has survived marriage, moving, children, divorce, death, and now elderly parents.

We used to race down hills skiing while we laughed.  And, although we move a bit slower now, what remains a constant is that we still laugh.  In fact, it is the laugher we share that has gotten us through all the trials and tribulations of life.

Laughter is good for the soul.  It relieves tension, gets the metabolism going and just plain feels good.  So, next time you meet with old friends and share the changing times in your life, don’t forget to laugh!

Thoughts?

Curveballs

We all get them.  We make a plan and unplanned things happen.  A close friend told her kids she would babysit while they went to a party.  She didn’t plan on getting sick.  Other friends planned a trip for several months.  They didn’t plan on his mother falling down.  And lastly, a dear friend planned to retire.  What she didn’t plan on was for life to be so expensive.

It isn’t whether we will get thrown curveballs that is the question.  The question is how will we cope when we do?  There are so many options available to us.  We can:

1. Moan and groan
2. Shrug our shoulders
3. Give up
4. Make a new plan

Life, after all, is a journey.  Some of the best journeys are filled with adventure, surprises, and yes, even curveballs.  How boring would life be if it were routine and predictable?

Instead of being upset and angry when life throws you a curveball, how about going back to the drawing board and coming up with a new plan?

My friend offered another babysitting solution to her kids.  My other friends waited a few months, replanned their trip and as I write, they are on vacation having a blast.  The friend who planned on retiring?  She got a lucrative offer and has a plan to work a year.

Yes, if you live in the real world, you will have your share of curveballs.  Don’t let them get you too far off course.  Use some perspective and learn to make them work to your advantage.

Opinions?