A Lifetime

Of all the things that I heard, it was, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” that had the biggest effect on me.

The relationship lasted 30 years.  It is true that it didn’t last a lifetime, but where is it written that lasting a lifetime is the measure of success?  Life is supposed to be a journey and yet, we tend to think that when jobs don’t work, friendships end, marriages dissolve and hobbies are started and stopped that we have failed.

Many people don’t like change.  Many people stay at the same job, live in the same neighborhood, and yes, stay married to the same person, whether they are happy or not.  And yes, I understand there are many good reasons for doing this.

But, what happens when mistakes were made, or things no longer work for us and the people we are with?

Instead of looking at starting over or taking a new course as a failure, how about viewing it as a new opportunity?  How about supporting your friends, your family and yes, yourself, by acknowledging that life is a place to grow and learn and experience.

This doesn’t mean I advocate not taking commitments and responsibilities seriously.  It just means that perhaps we should be more understanding and open when people move on and make new choices. 

So, next time a friend tells you they lost a job, or are leaving a relationship, instead of just being sad or expressing the negative aspect, how about you give them a hug and encourage them in whatever their new path will be.

Thoughts?

Karma

The thank-you card simply said, “I have been quite surprised with the outpouring of attention this little surgery has brought.”  (our little group of friends made sure there were flowers and balloons waiting for her when she got home from the hospital.)  My first thought was, “Really?”

I have known my friend since we were teenagers.  She was always the first person to mention taking a friend out for a birthday lunch.  She never forgot to call or send a get-well card when a friend was sick.  If someone in the neighborhood needed a ride to the doctor and she was available, she offered.

Over the years, she has continued to be a rock for friends and family.  Always thinking of others before herself.   She would bring the cupcakes, remembering who liked chocolate and who liked vanilla.  She made sure to have birthday candles in her purse, and arranged for everyone to sign a card she picked up for the group.

And, if you needed a friend to listen patiently and keep your secrets, my friend was and is ALWAYS there.

So, why she is surprised that her friends are standing in line to offer help, bring her lunch, and visit to help make her day go by faster surprises me.

There is no question that we get out of this world what we put into it.  If someone were to ask you, “What kind of karma would you expect if you needed help from your friends and family?”

What would you say?

Regrets and/or Remorse

I am pretty sure that most everyone walking the face of the earth has made decisions and then at some point, has had regrets.  Life is a series of choices, roads taken and experiences.

To have never made a wrong choice or a bad decision is virtually impossible.  It could be something as simple as getting a bad perm or buying a used car without having it checked out.  Or, it could be something more important like choosing a profession and later in life, wishing you took a different career path.  Or something life changing such as breaking up a marriage, having an abortion, or giving up a child for adoption.  And later wish you hadn’t.

We make decisions for all sorts of reasons.  Some are made with thought and planning, and some are made with our heart and gut feeling.  I believe that most of us make decisions with good intentions.  In most instances, we don’t really get to know the impact of many decisions until years later.  And by then, more often than not, we can’t change the outcome.

So how do we come to terms with feelings of remorse and/or regret?  I guess for each of us it is different.  Some of us might simple accept the fact that we did the best we could at the time.  Others may hold onto their mistakes and allow themselves to be weighed down.  And, for many, the combination of both.

However you work through and accept things you did and can’t change, acknowledge that you are human.  And with being human, you are not perfect.  As you have learned to forgive others, learn to forgive yourself.

Thoughts?

Good Intentions

I had every intention of getting up early this morning and driving myself to meet a group of people to engage in a sport.  I have had this ‘good intention’ now for several months.  I have to laugh as I tell myself, “Whom are ya kidding?  You’d like to go, but in reality you don’t really want to go and probably wont go.”

I think we all do this.  “Today, I am going to take the bike out for a ride, or tomorrow I will clean out the garage, or I am going to eat healthy starting Monday.”  Like so many of you, at the time, my intentions were good.  I even took out my racquet, and confirmed with the group.

Somewhere between my ‘good intentions’ and actually showing up I justified to myself more than three solid reasons why I was NOT leaving the house.  “It looks cold outside, I have more important things I need to do, and I really didn’t get as much sleep as I wanted.”

I said I started to laugh, because I knew that I was fooling myself.  We do this.  Why, I am not sure.   Oh, I suppose there are many reasons. 

So, today I have decided to try something that might be more attainable for me.  I really want to be more active; I really want to engage in healthy activities.  So, I will accept that I am not going to drive half-an-hour early in the morning any longer to do something I would have easily done 30 years ago.  Instead, I shall put on my tennis shoes and take the dog for a walk. 

Perhaps changing some of our ‘good intentions’ into ‘a workable plan’ is a better way to go.  At least for me.

Can anyone relate?

Advice

It is NOT a light-bulb moment to accept that it is much easier to give advice than to accept advice.  While telling our children to eat better or be careful on the road, I have observed many parents skipping breakfast and using the phone in the car.

It is NOT a light-bulb moment that with a straight face we can tell a friend how to reasonably resolve a dispute with their spouse while we have mini meltdowns with ours.

There are many therapists and doctors who guide and help patients yet struggle in their own homes.

It is pretty obvious to me that when the emotional factor is out of the equation, it is much easier to look at a situation with reason.  That is why it is even more important to talk with friends, seek counseling, and/or join help groups.  We all need someone to bounce our problems off of.  Someone who can be objective and help us to see the situation with some perspective.

A friend shared with me a situation with her spouse that got out of hand.  I gave her what she called ‘sage’ advice.  She would be laughing right now to know that I had a situation that went badly in my own relationship and I did not follow my own advice.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could ‘freeze’ the moment, take some time and really think about what we want to say before we say it?  Or stop and think, “What would I tell a friend to do”?

Thoughts on the subject?